BPD and Trying to Hold Lightning in a Bottle

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This is an article I've had the idea of for a while but never actually sat down to write. I've felt the feeling a thousand times before, but it has been a while and lately I had it again which made for the perfect refresher for me to write this article.

With Borderline Personality Disorder, a lot of times, at least for me, you can feel like you're trying to hold onto lightning in a bottle. You want to grasp everything and hold it tight, never letting it slip away the slightest else you fear losing it completely. This is an awful feeling, and it's one that I dealt with constantly, and still do on a time to time basis.

Worrying is the stem of this, the root that makes your mind run rampant with thoughts and "what if" situations that leave you scrambling to feel secure. In these moments, it can suddenly feel like whatever relationship you have with someone is lightning in a bottle and its on the verge of escaping. You'll try to get assurance from them, you'll push yourself towards them, sometimes flat out ask if they're going to leave or not. These moments of wondering and worrying are some of the worst moments I've endured on my road to recovery, and I'm sure that others with BPD know something of what I'm saying.

It can be hard, but learn to assure yourself instead of needing the other person to assure you. Whenever you start to worry, assure yourself that everything is okay and it is not as drastic as you make it out to be. 9/10 for me at least, my mind was other thinking things, and that is something I've been learning to deal with. I still slip up, I still let my mind wonder "what if" and I'll over analyze something someone says or does.

More than anything, you have to become okay with letting things go and understanding that things will not always go your way. It may be best to let the lightning escape, else it may shock you in your attempts to keep it down. It isn't an easy thing to switch your mindset too, and I myself still haven't reached that point but understanding what the end goal is is a major step towards leaving worrying behind.

Instead of trying to bottle up the lightning in your life, let it be free, give it room to roam the sky and fate will determine whether it stays in your sky or moves to another (if this metaphor is starting to fall apart I'm sorry!). BPD holds us as victims of our own worrying and overthinking, leading us to strangle what we love at the very thought of the possibility that we might lose it, but letting our grip loose and simply holding on is the best thing we can do for ourselves. it shows that we care, but that we aren't forcing them to be with us, and without trying very hard we can truly catch lightning in a bottle.